Dear great mind in sky

What is your perspective on me? What are your reasons why I am unworthy, cannot get better. What makes me weak? The sims ive asked you for forgiveness for and fought until I bled? Why is my life pain and why have u judged me so harshly and never allowed me to be satisfied, even as I sought you out at every turn? I don’t believe you are without power to help me, but what was your reason for never giving me grace and allowing me to make mistakes I pay for time and time again? Allowing me to be another identity that stalked me and took my entitlements? Enjoys my services in this world while I am wretched, poor, can’t connect to another human being, and surrounded by the enemy? I am not satisfied with being good and you won’t allow me to be good, but when I turn to wickedness first satisfaction you punish me as if I am and the truly wicked who caused this sin and dissatisfaction are deemed worthy. I don’t have worthy friends, all I have are enemies and evil energies, spirits, firnication and temptation comes from them. I cannot be Christian because the earth is evil but I ask your forgiveness constantly in a worthless endeavor. I was never entitled to work honestly and I’m damned to do poorly at every turn, constantly embarrassing myself, forever feeling shame. When I do achieve something I cannot enjoy satisfaction in it. I fall, to such depths, I’m ashamed and have to ask for help again and again, I’m dependent on you and u give me the bare minimum. Barely a smile. Don’t threaten me that I will sin again. Your awareness of me is a curse, I deserve happiness not the wrath of all higher powers.

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